I know there are lots of caring, savvy moms out there reading this blog. Some of you comment, some of don't - which is fine. I do that, too. But I hope you'll speak up if you can shed some light on the situation I'm about to present and what you would have done.
Earlier this week, Peanut Man and a good friend were at a playground (Matt was nearby). They were checking out some paths in a small patch of trees, grabbing branches to pretend with and just general putzing around. Good, clean fun. Another boy from their class was there and joined in whatever they were doing. Everything seemed fine by all outward appearances. Remember, Matt was nearby, but he wasn't within earshot. So, later that evening, I tell Peanut Man to get ready for bed and I would be up to tuck him in. When I come around the corner to go up the steps, he's sitting there, chin starting to quiver, eyes getting red - and he's doing everything a 10-year-old mini-man can do not to cry. He's completely rattled. When we get upstairs, I ask him what's up. He said that when they were at the playground, this 3rd boy told him and his buddy that he was chased through the woods at that playground by a member of a certain hooded group who had a knife (I will not mention the actual name of the group - 3 letters in a row that come after J). But my son said the full name (not just initials) b/c this other boy had said it to him. So now it's out there - I have to acknowledge it and explain it without heightening the drama b/c clearly his imagination has already gotten the best of him. And you know how you have that split-second thought before you say a word - and you almost let it slip - well my thought was, "Why in the world does any 10-year-old kid know about this kind of stuff and how would they know enough to scare the bejeebers out of another kid?" (There were more trucker-mouth words in the version in my head - I'll keep it clean for blogland.) Seriously. Why and how? What is going on in this other kid's world that he knows about this - whether he's hearing it on TV or out of another person's mouth. Either way seems unsettling to me.
So here's where I am. I know Peanut Man doesn't live in a bubble, and he's certainly had some heavy subjects explained to him already - like what's going on in Iraq, 9/11, WWII, slavery (we were just at the Civil War Museum).....all of these things are essentially as heavy and vile, even moreso. Is it just me that this rubbed me the wrong way? How would you have explained it? I pretty much told him that there are indeed groups of people that don't like other groups of people, and sometimes their anger prevents them being rational and compels them to hurt other people. Sad but true. I stretched the teachable moment a bit further and said all the things I could along the lines of: never judge a book by its cover, be a good person even when nobody's looking and (from a dear friend's father) "always wear the white hat ." I don't regret that he now knows, but clearly he wasn't mature enough to put it all together. I would love to hear any of your experiences or what you think you would have said.
The worst part was that I assured him this 'type of thing' didn't go on around here, only to read a letter to the editor the next morning in the paper that said a nearby town is a hotbed for this sort of sentiment. What?! Total double take. Maybe it's ME that lives in a bubble....