Do you believe things happen for a reason? Or that a coincidence has another layer to it if you look deep enough? Or that we attach meaning to seemingly unrelated events b/c it comforts us and takes some of life's mysteries away? Or that coincidences are energy forces that compel us into action? Do you think we have the ability to move energy to make things happen a certain way? If calling it prayer works for you, then by all means go for it. I would never deny someone a word or a belief system. But I'm not talking about prayer in the formal sense b/c I don't really know what that means. What I am talking about is a connectedness with the energy of living things that causes and creates change or happenstance - sometimes at an indecipherable level that's only noted in hindsight or sometimes as a blatant nugget dropped into your lap that forces you to acknowledge it. All of that is probably much too profound for what happened today, but I'm going to lay it out here anyway.
As you may remember, we've been dealing with a health issue with our dog Scout. Last night, things were looking grim, and as I cried myself to sleep, I just kept thinking, "This can't be it. It can't end like this. There has to be more. Somebody tell me what to do!!!" I wanted answers to one-hundred "what if" questions in my head and demanded guidance from the universe b/c there is no right or wrong answer. It's just too overwhelming to make a decision (that pesky 10% again) that could turn out badly - there's only second-guessing and feeling guilty at bad outcomes that turn into too little, too late.
With puffy eyes this morning, I took Peanutman to an appt where I had to sit for 75 minutes and wait. I found this great book, Pennsylvania's Natural Beauty, and turned right to an exquisitely simple flower I've never seen before. I sketched it on the back of my google map printout and wrote down the name "bloodroot." I thought how odd that this wasn't a familiar name or flower to me.
I know my drawing is for the birds - don't you worry your pretty little head about it! The image below is what bloodroot really looks like.
When I got home this afternoon, I knew I had to call the vet about Scout. But before I called, I wanted to find out more about this 'paste' we've been applying to her tumor that necrotizes the flesh; it looks like bbq sauce. I wanted to learn whether or not it has a realistic chance of helping her, or if we have to throw in the towel b/c it has left her leg innards exposed and, man, it is so not right to look at! So I googled "xxterra" and, holy crap, guess what it's made out of?! Bloodroot! No shit. I cannot make this up. So is this the universe telling me we should continue or stop? I don't know. I think I want it to mean something so it will avail me of having to make a decision..... what do you think?
